I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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