You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
