The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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