he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
