yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
