so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
