Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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