omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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