i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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