can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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