I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
