i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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