I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
