People in love make me want to vomit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
