Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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