He kissed a someone with a penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
