I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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