she woke up with a sticky ear
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
