I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
