There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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