Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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