I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
