Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
