Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
