spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i've created a new STD.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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