I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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