TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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