Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
