Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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