I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
