Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
