Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
