I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
