you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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