We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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