would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
