I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
