We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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