yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
