this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I want a musical about memes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
