we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
