he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
