its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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