3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
