I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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