just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
