my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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