waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
