i don't like sucking hair
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
