Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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